Death is always unexpected - hardly ever welcomed.
How can I handle the loss of a dear friend, a friend that was part of my daily life, a friend with whom I shared my hopes and dreams and so did she. A friend that was as spontaneous as myself, who was not disappointed if somethings didn't work out the way we planned.
To honor her positive attitude, I didn't allow myself to go down into the dark, but at times I couldn't stop me from going there. I forced myself into joyous memories, and there are plenty of those. So many places in and around town that we walked together - but will no longer do together.
I wrote a letter to her, jotting down my thoughts, my sadness and my gratitude that I had the precious gift of knowing her and being part of her life for a few months. I burnt it with the hope, that the smoke would bring my thoughts to her. And I felt a relief.
It's 3 months today, that she has left her body and life goes on. She is in my thoughts every single day. My thoughts are loosing some of the pain and sadness. More and more the joyful times expand in my heart.
I gave up fighting the painful and sad moments. I know that they pass and they lose their intensity. They don't last that long anymore. The sunny side of our time together becomes present more and more. It will take the time it takes and she will be in my heart - always.