Racism

Have you ever contemplated what racism actually means for you personally?

Have you noticed how contradictory our thoughts can be regarding racism?

While doing some research on the subject I stumbled across the expression „white fragility“. Lets’ dive into this expression: It’s something most of us have experienced many a times, probably unaware of what exactly we were doing.

Let me share an example where my friend and I stepped into the „white fragility“ trap.

My friend’s babysitter is a Person of Color (POC). She took her child for a swim on a hot day. I told her not to forget to put sunscreen on the child’s white skin. The lady looked at me, took a deep breath and very gently said: „Esther, this remark has a racist touch! Yes, I am aware of her white skin and the need of sunscreen, btw dark skin needs sunscreen, too.“ Immediately I went into defending myself: I didn’t mean it this way…… don’t be so sensitive about it…… no way, this isn’t racism etc., etc.

This, my friend, is „white fragility“, feeling attacked if a POC tells me that my remark is racist; having the need to defend myself…… as I am anything but racists….. in my own perspective at least. However when I take a closer look…. I am racist. Not deliberately, not on a conscious level….. but many of my comments, thoughts, actions, prove me racist because I ASSUMED that a POC doesn’t know that the white skin needs sunscreen. It’s the ASSUMPTION that puts me in the spot of being racist. E.g.: This person is from XYZ….. she /he must be a drug dealer….. a child-trafficker…… an organ-dealer etc.

Another example: I had to take a train and it was quite busy. The only compartment with a single person in it was the compartment with a POC, this is a frequent situation in our country. Another proof of our racist behaviour.

I took a deep breath, gathered my courage and I asked if the seat was taken – as we always do in Switzerland, even if the seat obviously is empty – and yes, it was. A little nervous I sat down  and started a conversation with my fellow traveler and asked that question: What kind of experiences did she have regarding racism. And while I was listening to her, I observed my thoughts. I heard my own inner critic defending the white person she was talking about, wanting to justify their behaviour, explain, deny…. And this is racism: She told me her perspective and I DID NOT TAKE IT AS THE TRUTH! I did not acknowledge her pain, her humiliation, her suffering. This experience was another eye-opener.

Getting better at it

It took a lot of courage for me to take this next step:  I asked a POC in a restaurant if he would be willing to talk to me about his experiences with racism. First he looked at me puzzled and it took him some time – and a lot of explanation from my side –  to agree to talk. But eventually we spoke together and I listened without making any comments, trying to observe my inner reactions and my urge to speak… it had eased. And I learned a lot about how thoughtless „white fragility“ is, how cruel, how painful for the receiver, how humiliating. It was such a worthy experience for me and when we parted, if felt like being friends.

You and me, we have to wake up. White fragility has to be overcome. We have to grow out of this old behaviour, of our fear of being racists and face our weakness, reflect our behaviour, adjust, reflect, adjust until we are strong enough to no longer have the need to defend ourselves towards others. (OTHERS will be the subject of my next blog post)

Now I want you to go out, talk to a stranger, preferably a POC, listen to their perspective, observe your own urge to defend yourself……  BUT keep silent and listen, just listen…… and share with me how you felt.