A date to remember, 18th December

I woke up this morning at an unusual early time, the city was still asleep, no cars, only silence. When I saw the date on my cellphone (yes, thats what I look at first when I wake up 😉  ) I saw the date: 18th December and I had a 39 years flashback.

18.12.1981 is a date that has utter significance in my life as I met a wonderful man at a Dixie-Jazz-Concert. Long story short, we fell in love and shared 7 years together. Until my restless nature and my need to move on – once more – became too strong to stay.

What I realize while diving into this flashback is more than remarkable:
I realized that I felt loved for the first time after I lost my grandmother at the age of 5. Even though she did not die, I felt that I had lost her as I was taken away from her.

I realized that restlessness can be a good and a bad thing, in other words it is not a word that I need to judged but look at as a catalyst. However I am pondering upon „what would my life look like today“ if I had stayed and put more effort into the relationship with this adorable man. This is a futile occupation, I know, but it also helps me to put my journey into a perspective that I haven’t thought about.

I realized how relationships had an enormous impact on my life and me, the me searching for the truth, believing there is more than what I can see, knowing that yet another journey will bring more wisdom, clarity and faith into my life.

I realized that I wanted to share this flashback with this very man I met 39 years ago and thank him for all the light he brought into my life, the love he shared and the impact he had on my life.

Yes, I am restless and I am grateful for that. Restlessness has inspired me to go as far as I got and will continue to inspire me to never stop and get stuck in the national illness of my country: complacency. I stop there every now and then and my restlessness urges me to move on.

I am grateful for my restlessness.

Have a wonderful day
see the wonders on your way